Francis Scott Key.

right foot,
left foot
right foot,
left foot
Thank God I learned how to walk,
but I still wish I crawled
across the floor
to the television
soaking in
visions of guns, sex, and cartoon dogs
all on the same channel
I could crawl
to the king
but he would still yell
"YOU ARE GOING NOWHERE ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES"
"YOU MUST WALK"
and off with my head.
and back to the drawing board.
maybe if we all still crawled that would be better
(that's excluding America, because we have to walk if everyone else crawls)*
(THAT'S excluding the president, because he still crawls)**
but at least we walk
except for the 4185 casualties in Iraq, who aren't walking or crawling
but at least the rest are walking,
oh, except the 2,752 deaths on September 11th, 2001, they aren't walking either.
But I swear, the rest of us AMERICANS are walking tall!
I'm just not counting the one murder every 22 minutes, or the one rape every 5 minutes, or the one robbery 49 seconds, oh yeah or the one burglary every 10 seconds.
"It's ok Mr. President! We're all standing for the pledge!""
and one nation under...God?"
Who's that?
Did they mean one nation under the pope?
I mean, Was God on a sold out world tour this summer?!
Nope, that was the pope.
Don't tell Mom we're getting high after conformation,
cause she might tell One of the thousands of Asians who are put to death for believing in God.
THREE CHEERS FOR CATHOLICISM!!!
HIP HIP OBEY
rather than praying, talk to an old man through a screen door, and he'll be sure to deliver your message to the god almighty.
at least we're walking.
Jesus Christ often drank wine with all of his friends,
except over 17,000 of Jesus's friends didn't die in car accidents every year from it.
America the Beautiful.
The Pentagon proposed a $459 billion dollar plan to prepare weapons to battle from space.
I wasn't aware Darth Vader was a member of Al-Quaida.
I thought we could use some of that money for:
AIDS research, Diabetes research, Darfur, New Orleans...
NAH
let's use it to put guns in space.
WATCH OUT MARVIN MARTIAN
We're here to stick a boot in your ass
cause THAT's the American way!
WE CAN'T SURRENDER!!
THAT MEANS WE LOSE THE WAR!!
it's ok Coach McCain, I still think we'll make it to playoffs.
By the way, I think Iraq is getting better,
but I'm not sure, because Michael Phelps is blocking my view.
I'll take off my hat when the national anthem is sung,
if I have an itch.
Gas is $3.39 a gallon.
A Front row ticket for the Jonas Brothers is $175
A pack of Marlboro's is $7.63
and $1 feeds a child for a day in Africa.
But choose wisely, We're in recession.
OOOOOOO say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O'er the land of the deceased, and the home of the afraid.