The projector plays my life
on scratched up old film
the motor hums and clicks through
frames of artificial handshakes and rehearsed jokes
a sloppy old band practice
with mediocre amplifiers
plug my head into one
let my thoughts scream through the speakers
it shows when
I touched your hand on a sunny afternoon
playing to the soundtrack of the birds singing and
the construction workers hammering
i didn't kiss you at the park
but i did
in my mind
it shows when
i touched your face on a rainy evening
playing to the soundtrack of r&b and booming thunder
i kissed you in my room
and closed the door
in my mind
it shows when
i hugged you at the beach
playing to the soundtrack of seagulls laughing
and waves crashing
i looked you in the eyes
and you kissed me
in my mind
it didn't show when
i prayed for the rain to stop drumming
or for the wind to pick up
it didn't show when i looked
into an empty wallet and frowned
and smiled at you
but it did show
when your face screamed a frown
i want to leave the city
because the brooklyn bridge is dark at night
let's jump off the sidewalk
and swim in the whispering long grass
and you can snicker at the crickets tickling your ears with their song
i'm afraid of losing you
to shopping carts and discount magazines
to the joy of the dinging of the cash register
rather than the squeaking rusty swing
or maybe
i'm afraid i'm lost in those
because the clicking old film
shows
you touched my hand first
and you laugh hard at the
squealing of the trampoline springs
and the city is too bright at night
we should let the wine splash on the floor
and let the grapes hit the dirt
when you close your eyes during the day
the sun still is there
so let's both smile for the camera
and for the sun
and for the moon
and for the stars
and for the grass
and for you
and for me
i can't hide my mind from the paparazzi
and i can't hide my mind from you
and i can't hide IN my mind
my love for you will be played
and be sung off key in a microphone
into an old buzzing tape recorder
and i'll rewind the tape
and give it to you
and you can play it
through your headphones
and
i'll sing it to you live
and you echo the words
so i know you're listening
and so i can hear you too
and we'll ride the rattling subway
to the center of the earth
away from these busted machines
and from corrupted paper
and our beads of sweat will dance
and the strings from our clothes will unravel
and I'll look you in the eyes
right there
and in my mind
and i'll kiss you
right there
and in my mind
and you'll giggle
like a newborn baby
right there
and in my mind
and you'll take my hand
right there
and in my mind
and we'll go right into the core
burning everything away
hand in hand
right there
on the clicking, old film
and in my mind.
and the roll of film comes to an end
and the audience stands up
and the roaring of applause fills the room
and you rest your head on my shoulder
and all i can hear
is the gentle rhythm of your beating heart
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
Wake up to folk, and other recent concepts.
"Big steamy clouds going by in the dark up there, it makes me realize we live on an actual planet."
-The Dharma Bums
Iron and Wine and the best way to begin a 10 hour drive. It doesn't matter who you are or what you listen to. It was such an inspirational and satisfying feeling listening to the song "The Trapeze Swinger" while I sat in this van, with 11 people waking up along with the sun. Roads are endless, trees are infinite, and for right then, that was ok. The feeling of watching the beautiful sun rise in the orange sky, and seeing fog sit over mountains, and distant taillights every so often, that feeling, is meaningful. It makes things worth it. Feelings like that are the reason that waking up at 3:30 in the morning is ok. The smeared, sporadic, no pattern clouds and the gentle song just make it ok. And even if it's never ok again, it's fine, because I had this. And this was good.
The more I live, the more I see God everywhere I go. In Norfork, West Virginia, one of the poorest areas of America, I see him more than I ever have. The ride down was like a downward slope in economic status right in front of your eyes. We come from suburbia and couldn't have ended up in a more opposite location. 45 minutes away is a Wal-Mart, and aside from Family Dollar, and "Nick's", Home of the famous liver sandwich, it's the closest real store. The view was far from an average one. A broken down water slide from an old abandoned play place on a giant hill, a rusty, leaking water tower, so many burned down and collapsed buildings. Quite the different view of a drive down to seaside or a plane ride to the bahamas. After this long ride down, we arrive in this town of brick buildings, broken windows, closed down stores, unfinished sidewalks and long railroads.
This week we worked on a man named Curtis Womack's house. As we grew closer to him, we found out more and more of his amazing story that was very unexpected. Curtis is a raspy voiced, older, black man who was very involved in music throughout his life. His records hang on his walls so loose, just like a picture of an old friend. An old friend who's missed and loved, but has moved on. An old friend who brings happiness and sadness to Curtis' eyes at the same time. Just so you understand who curtis is a little more, he was in a group called "The Womack Brothers" and "The Valentinos." Their producer at the time was Sam Cooke. SAM COOKE. My mouth dropped when I found this out. He used to play at the Apollo, he toured with james brown, he's had solo recordings, he's been in books and cd collections, and featured with many other artists. But as he said himself, music can only last you so long. And now he's there. It's amazing to think that someone like him is in such a hard place right now. He regrets not having a plan B.
A lot of times people have this misconception that their plan A, and only plan, is just to go out and live life. I agree with that plan fully. After reading "On the Road", I too just wanted to go out and "live". Soak in the world. But the more I'm living, the more I'm seeing that you have to "live your life" and "soak in the world" the right way. Don;t search for temporary glamour. Search for the true beauty. And I'm realizing so many things. I would just lay in my bed in West Virginia and I would hear some of the true beauty. I would lay there and listen to this train that passes about 3 times every hour. Shaking the house, vibrating me. The dinging and horn you can hear from so far away. And for some odd reason, I find it beautiful.
This 4th of July that just passed is another example. Fireworks. I never really like them too much until I went with my girlfriend last year. She loves them so much that this love just rubbed off on me. I think at first it was to please her, but then I actually started to love it. But this passed one there's hundreds of people sitting in this field by a pond by my house. All very excited to begin with, and then the fireworks begin, and the excitement starts to grow. But the thing that really got to me was the one firework that had that boom. That boom so deep and so loud, it shakes the ground, it shakes you. I love it. I got so happy, so genuinely happy, because of this boom. And I felt it was beautiful, and I felt God. But not because of the pretty colors or designs, but because of this feeling of fear and joy at the same time, this feeling of closeness because of a shared excitement with hundreds of people I've never met. Something so close to you, So real, that you feel it inside of you. Beautiful.
I'm just seeing God and Beauty everywhere I go.
The other day, my friend and I were driving around lost. We turned down this one street and we pass a barn. So we go to the end of the street to turn around and my friend looks in the barn and goes, "Austin, you need to turn around again and look in this barn." And I'm like, "Why?" And he goes "Because there's an elephant in there." So after him convincing me he was telling the truth for a few seconds, I turn around and stop in front of the barn and gaze in. And there it is, a real, live elephant right in front of our eyes. It's not like I've never seen an elephant before, I've been to a million zoos and there's actually a picture of me riding one when I was a little kid at some carnival. This is different. This is 10 feet away from me, in real life, with no gates or chains or trainers or zoo signs or anything. We were amazed, it was a beautiful moment. Not amazing because I dig elephants too much or anything, but because it was so real. I felt so real.
Rain is something that lately is beautiful. A few weeks ago, I walked out on my deck and it was pouring and the lightning was brighter than I can ever remember seeing and the thunder was booming and the rain was pouring. I was staring at the sky and just started singing "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley. And I started crying. Tears and tears and I just keep singing and it keeps raining. It was real. It was Beautiful.
That's why I get so sad when I see people who are blind to true beauty. I get sad when people have to achieve this moment of beauty by drugging themselves and changing who they are. They don't feel real things. It's an impure, artificial feeling. I get sad when these little kids in West Virginia are so angry and so hurting, because they want to see beauty, but they can't find it behind their chained up doors and boarded up windows. But it makes me feel so good when i can make them smile. When I can give them, even for just a second, a moment of beauty. To me, I see God more in this angry, hurting kid's smile, than I do in an average church.
I think I went to West Virginia as an attempt to save humanity. And then I thought I went to West Virginia in an attempt to save myself. And then I thought I went to West Virginia in an attempt to see god. But then I realized why I should have went. It's all of those reasons, and more. I need to to serve people in need, I need to grow as a person for myself, I need to see God in life, and I need to learn. I need to learn about life and God. We're called as humans to learn. From the moment we come out of the womb it's a learning process. It seems like a ridiculous concept really. "Mam, we have to take this thing that's been living, breathing, growing, and surviving out of you, so it CAN live, breathe, grow, and survive," said the doctor sounding like an idiot. But we learned that's what we have to do, and then when we're born we learn to breath again, to live again.
That's what I'm doing now. I'm learning to live again, and it's beautiful.
The other night there was a meteor shower. I'd read about it for months, and was so excited to experience that in West Virginia, and to "see God in it's beauty." We set our alarms for 2:00 am, and we all woke up, got out of bed and walked outside. We all looked up in silence and saw nothing but our breath and the sky. And then we went in, and I was so disappointed. But now I realize how stupid of a thought that is. I can breathe to see my breath, I saw the beautiful sky, and I was disappointed. I'm an ignorant tourist going to the statue of liberty and saying, "It's smaller than I thought," and sighing. I was looking past the sky, when I should have been looking at the sky, the flawless sky. And now I realize how beautiful of a moment this was and how much God was present.
One of the days we were there, I had asked Curtis if he could show me some of his old music. So my friend and I were sitting in his kitchen and he was telling us his stories about how he got started, playing with Jimi Hendrix, back when he was Jimmy Hendricks, meeting Elvis, and many other amazing facts that kept making my jaw drop lower and lower. So then he put in a cd that was a collection of Sam Cooke's music off of his record label. (The SAR records story.) And he skips down to this song that was him singing on called "Yield Not to Temptation." And I was amazed. It is such an incredible song. I couldn't believe I was sitting here with the man who sang this. So we're sitting there and he starts to sing along, and he still has an amazing voice, and I'm watching him, and he is shaking and holding back tears and he feels it so much, it's like he wasn't even in the room he was so consumed in the song, and I feel it so much, and it was one of the most amazing moments of my life, and I felt God so much.
We all need to breathe again. We all need to learn to live again and find the beauty all around us. The old soul singer with still so much soul. The empty night sky. The elephant in the barn. The boom on the 4th of July. Let's open our eyes and see the beauty that's right in front of us. Let's learn to see God through the boarded up windows.
On the last night while we there in the house in West Virginia, in the Living room with 19 people sitting in a circle of metal chairs, with new friends and old friends, and all singing along in a worship song, I put my head down and closed my eyes, and I hear the train go by, and I feel the shaking, and I know 100% for sure that God is real.
-The Dharma Bums
Iron and Wine and the best way to begin a 10 hour drive. It doesn't matter who you are or what you listen to. It was such an inspirational and satisfying feeling listening to the song "The Trapeze Swinger" while I sat in this van, with 11 people waking up along with the sun. Roads are endless, trees are infinite, and for right then, that was ok. The feeling of watching the beautiful sun rise in the orange sky, and seeing fog sit over mountains, and distant taillights every so often, that feeling, is meaningful. It makes things worth it. Feelings like that are the reason that waking up at 3:30 in the morning is ok. The smeared, sporadic, no pattern clouds and the gentle song just make it ok. And even if it's never ok again, it's fine, because I had this. And this was good.
The more I live, the more I see God everywhere I go. In Norfork, West Virginia, one of the poorest areas of America, I see him more than I ever have. The ride down was like a downward slope in economic status right in front of your eyes. We come from suburbia and couldn't have ended up in a more opposite location. 45 minutes away is a Wal-Mart, and aside from Family Dollar, and "Nick's", Home of the famous liver sandwich, it's the closest real store. The view was far from an average one. A broken down water slide from an old abandoned play place on a giant hill, a rusty, leaking water tower, so many burned down and collapsed buildings. Quite the different view of a drive down to seaside or a plane ride to the bahamas. After this long ride down, we arrive in this town of brick buildings, broken windows, closed down stores, unfinished sidewalks and long railroads.
This week we worked on a man named Curtis Womack's house. As we grew closer to him, we found out more and more of his amazing story that was very unexpected. Curtis is a raspy voiced, older, black man who was very involved in music throughout his life. His records hang on his walls so loose, just like a picture of an old friend. An old friend who's missed and loved, but has moved on. An old friend who brings happiness and sadness to Curtis' eyes at the same time. Just so you understand who curtis is a little more, he was in a group called "The Womack Brothers" and "The Valentinos." Their producer at the time was Sam Cooke. SAM COOKE. My mouth dropped when I found this out. He used to play at the Apollo, he toured with james brown, he's had solo recordings, he's been in books and cd collections, and featured with many other artists. But as he said himself, music can only last you so long. And now he's there. It's amazing to think that someone like him is in such a hard place right now. He regrets not having a plan B.
A lot of times people have this misconception that their plan A, and only plan, is just to go out and live life. I agree with that plan fully. After reading "On the Road", I too just wanted to go out and "live". Soak in the world. But the more I'm living, the more I'm seeing that you have to "live your life" and "soak in the world" the right way. Don;t search for temporary glamour. Search for the true beauty. And I'm realizing so many things. I would just lay in my bed in West Virginia and I would hear some of the true beauty. I would lay there and listen to this train that passes about 3 times every hour. Shaking the house, vibrating me. The dinging and horn you can hear from so far away. And for some odd reason, I find it beautiful.
This 4th of July that just passed is another example. Fireworks. I never really like them too much until I went with my girlfriend last year. She loves them so much that this love just rubbed off on me. I think at first it was to please her, but then I actually started to love it. But this passed one there's hundreds of people sitting in this field by a pond by my house. All very excited to begin with, and then the fireworks begin, and the excitement starts to grow. But the thing that really got to me was the one firework that had that boom. That boom so deep and so loud, it shakes the ground, it shakes you. I love it. I got so happy, so genuinely happy, because of this boom. And I felt it was beautiful, and I felt God. But not because of the pretty colors or designs, but because of this feeling of fear and joy at the same time, this feeling of closeness because of a shared excitement with hundreds of people I've never met. Something so close to you, So real, that you feel it inside of you. Beautiful.
I'm just seeing God and Beauty everywhere I go.
The other day, my friend and I were driving around lost. We turned down this one street and we pass a barn. So we go to the end of the street to turn around and my friend looks in the barn and goes, "Austin, you need to turn around again and look in this barn." And I'm like, "Why?" And he goes "Because there's an elephant in there." So after him convincing me he was telling the truth for a few seconds, I turn around and stop in front of the barn and gaze in. And there it is, a real, live elephant right in front of our eyes. It's not like I've never seen an elephant before, I've been to a million zoos and there's actually a picture of me riding one when I was a little kid at some carnival. This is different. This is 10 feet away from me, in real life, with no gates or chains or trainers or zoo signs or anything. We were amazed, it was a beautiful moment. Not amazing because I dig elephants too much or anything, but because it was so real. I felt so real.
Rain is something that lately is beautiful. A few weeks ago, I walked out on my deck and it was pouring and the lightning was brighter than I can ever remember seeing and the thunder was booming and the rain was pouring. I was staring at the sky and just started singing "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley. And I started crying. Tears and tears and I just keep singing and it keeps raining. It was real. It was Beautiful.
That's why I get so sad when I see people who are blind to true beauty. I get sad when people have to achieve this moment of beauty by drugging themselves and changing who they are. They don't feel real things. It's an impure, artificial feeling. I get sad when these little kids in West Virginia are so angry and so hurting, because they want to see beauty, but they can't find it behind their chained up doors and boarded up windows. But it makes me feel so good when i can make them smile. When I can give them, even for just a second, a moment of beauty. To me, I see God more in this angry, hurting kid's smile, than I do in an average church.
I think I went to West Virginia as an attempt to save humanity. And then I thought I went to West Virginia in an attempt to save myself. And then I thought I went to West Virginia in an attempt to see god. But then I realized why I should have went. It's all of those reasons, and more. I need to to serve people in need, I need to grow as a person for myself, I need to see God in life, and I need to learn. I need to learn about life and God. We're called as humans to learn. From the moment we come out of the womb it's a learning process. It seems like a ridiculous concept really. "Mam, we have to take this thing that's been living, breathing, growing, and surviving out of you, so it CAN live, breathe, grow, and survive," said the doctor sounding like an idiot. But we learned that's what we have to do, and then when we're born we learn to breath again, to live again.
That's what I'm doing now. I'm learning to live again, and it's beautiful.
The other night there was a meteor shower. I'd read about it for months, and was so excited to experience that in West Virginia, and to "see God in it's beauty." We set our alarms for 2:00 am, and we all woke up, got out of bed and walked outside. We all looked up in silence and saw nothing but our breath and the sky. And then we went in, and I was so disappointed. But now I realize how stupid of a thought that is. I can breathe to see my breath, I saw the beautiful sky, and I was disappointed. I'm an ignorant tourist going to the statue of liberty and saying, "It's smaller than I thought," and sighing. I was looking past the sky, when I should have been looking at the sky, the flawless sky. And now I realize how beautiful of a moment this was and how much God was present.
One of the days we were there, I had asked Curtis if he could show me some of his old music. So my friend and I were sitting in his kitchen and he was telling us his stories about how he got started, playing with Jimi Hendrix, back when he was Jimmy Hendricks, meeting Elvis, and many other amazing facts that kept making my jaw drop lower and lower. So then he put in a cd that was a collection of Sam Cooke's music off of his record label. (The SAR records story.) And he skips down to this song that was him singing on called "Yield Not to Temptation." And I was amazed. It is such an incredible song. I couldn't believe I was sitting here with the man who sang this. So we're sitting there and he starts to sing along, and he still has an amazing voice, and I'm watching him, and he is shaking and holding back tears and he feels it so much, it's like he wasn't even in the room he was so consumed in the song, and I feel it so much, and it was one of the most amazing moments of my life, and I felt God so much.
We all need to breathe again. We all need to learn to live again and find the beauty all around us. The old soul singer with still so much soul. The empty night sky. The elephant in the barn. The boom on the 4th of July. Let's open our eyes and see the beauty that's right in front of us. Let's learn to see God through the boarded up windows.
On the last night while we there in the house in West Virginia, in the Living room with 19 people sitting in a circle of metal chairs, with new friends and old friends, and all singing along in a worship song, I put my head down and closed my eyes, and I hear the train go by, and I feel the shaking, and I know 100% for sure that God is real.
warm
"Put on your Coat,"
Says the father with alcohol on his breath
He remembers the warmth of the sun in the summer of his youth,
He remembers the warmth of a kiss in the back of a truck,
He remembers the warmth of his old records in his room,
But comes the grey, and goes the warmth,
so now he feels warmth in cold brandy and brown paper bags.
Says the father with alcohol on his breath
He remembers the warmth of the sun in the summer of his youth,
He remembers the warmth of a kiss in the back of a truck,
He remembers the warmth of his old records in his room,
But comes the grey, and goes the warmth,
so now he feels warmth in cold brandy and brown paper bags.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
